One of the hardest aspects of dealing with my first round of chemo has been the “chemo brain” or “brain fog”. My thought process has become slow and deliberate and there are times when I can hardly piece together things in my mind. From what I am hearing, this fog may not lift for quite a few months. The challenge now has become living in the fog.
Yet, living in the fog has been a blessing in disguise. It has caused me to:
- SLOW DOWN! Just like driving in the fog, I have found that I need to allow myself to slow down and not fight it. As challenging as that is (those who know me are laughing now), God is helping me and I am finding peace in resting.
- Become more aware of my surroundings. When you can’t see clearly the road in front of you, you become hyper vigilant. Other things that might have escaped your notice earlier become clearer, your eyes become tuned for any change in the scenery as you slog your way forward including things like; the presence and help of other people, the prayers of so many, God’s ongoing provision in so many ways.
- Become more aware of the NEARNESS of God. Living in the fog and navigating paths you cannot see clearly brings a lot of fear and lack of assurance. But, His presence has become almost palpable. Even when I cannot read His word or pray, because my mind won’t focus, there is a sense that He is sitting there with me, holding my hand as I move forward.
So, I am asking God to help me embrace this new fog and to journey through it with grace and endurance, appreciating the nuances it brings and the lessons it has for me.