Anyone who knows me would never use the word “rest” or “restful” to describe me. I tend to get names like “energizer bunny” and “go-getter”. One of the most challenging aspects of this cancer journey for me has been resting. I have come to the conclusion that a walk by faith seems a lot easier than a rest by faith. Being set aside by the Master for this health sabbatical has been a serious trial for me. I break down in tears daily praying for the Mwinika people and thinking of all that needs to be done there still. My mind races with ideas and projects, but my chemo-brain and chemo-ridden body aren’t cooperating. It feels a lot like my life has been a very fast paced piece of music – an overture if you will 🙂 – and right now the Conductor/Composer has written in a long rest from the normal “allegro” music. There it is plain as day on the sheet of music and there He stands with His hands held up, quietly motionless, waiting…..
As I read through the life of David and the Psalms I feel that i am in good company. His wasn’t a health sabbatical but rather a career sabbatical that took place around the same age as what I am now. He had been anointed as the next king of Israel, but rather than entering into that role, He was set aside for quite awhile. The Conductor’s hands were held motionless for several years as David was prepared and molded for the next 40+ years of his life! In the midst of the struggle he wrote:
“Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him who prospers the way.” Psalms 37:7
He had his ups and downs during his time of “rest”, but this was his heart and I desire that it become mine. I have a choice, to fight the rest or by faith to embrace it, to challenge it or be challenged by it! Challenged to rest in His Sovereign timing, His healing power, His goodness, and His omniscience.
I know that my overture has more music to come, more notes to play. It is well composed by the Master/Conductor and It will take off again zipping along, maybe not as strong as before, but with a little pep in it (I hope :)). But, right now He is asking me to rest, hold, wait, until He deems time to move forward. I know His grace will be sufficient and that, like with David, He is using this time to mold and prepare me for the next 40+ years! So, my eyes are fixed on the conductor as I rest by faith until His hands tell me that it’s time to leave the this time of rest and enter back into the crazy music of my life.
*Illustration taken from: https://www.wrti.org/post/10-fun-facts-about-conductors-batons