Anyone who knows me would never use the word “rest” or “restful” to describe me. I tend to get names like “energizer bunny” and “go-getter”. One of the most challenging aspects of this cancer journey for me has been resting. I have come to the conclusion that a walk by faith seems a lot easier than a rest by faith. Being set aside by the Master for this health sabbatical has been a serious trial for me. I break down in tears daily praying for the Mwinika people and thinking of all that needs to be done there still. My mind races with ideas and projects, but my chemo-brain and chemo-ridden body aren’t cooperating. It feels a lot like my life has been a very fast paced piece of music – an overture if you will 🙂 – and right now the Conductor/Composer has written in a long rest from the normal “allegro” music. There it is plain as day on the sheet of music and there He stands with His hands held up, quietly motionless, waiting…..
As I read through the life of David and the Psalms I feel that i am in good company. His wasn’t a health sabbatical but rather a career sabbatical that took place around the same age as what I am now. He had been anointed as the next king of Israel, but rather than entering into that role, He was set aside for quite awhile. The Conductor’s hands were held motionless for several years as David was prepared and molded for the next 40+ years of his life! In the midst of the struggle he wrote:
“Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him who prospers the way.” Psalms 37:7
He had his ups and downs during his time of “rest”, but this was his heart and I desire that it become mine. I have a choice, to fight the rest or by faith to embrace it, to challenge it or be challenged by it! Challenged to rest in His Sovereign timing, His healing power, His goodness, and His omniscience.
I know that my overture has more music to come, more notes to play. It is well composed by the Master/Conductor and It will take off again zipping along, maybe not as strong as before, but with a little pep in it (I hope :)). But, right now He is asking me to rest, hold, wait, until He deems time to move forward. I know His grace will be sufficient and that, like with David, He is using this time to mold and prepare me for the next 40+ years! So, my eyes are fixed on the conductor as I rest by faith until His hands tell me that it’s time to leave the this time of rest and enter back into the crazy music of my life.
*Illustration taken from: https://www.wrti.org/post/10-fun-facts-about-conductors-batons
strangely-dim.com 
It’s hard for extraverts like us to do nothing. We thrive on being involved. We find our self worth in serving others. We want to save everyone from suffering. We want everyone to be happy. And how can that be wrong?
But as I sit here thinking about heaven I realize that all we will want to do is stand in awe of Jesus. Singing, praising His name, enraptured by His beauty…
There will be no more sorrow, no one in need of saving, no teaching to do, no self worth to bolster, no more following Jesus to the hardest of places or sacrificing our lives for the sake of the gospel. We will be with Him. And, that will be enough.
So maybe, for some of us, our times of “ rest” are really just a glimpse of heaven. Maybe Jesus just wants us to stop serving , stop trying to save the world and look at Him. Look into His eyes and see all the love He has for us. Look at His hands and know the work is finished. Look at His feet and know we have followed Him to this point. Just like the pillar of cloud in the wilderness, He has stopped moving forward for a time. It was in those days of resting that Moses saw Jesus.It was during those days that Moses had time to do nothing but sit In the desert and look at Jesus. And His face shone with the glory of the Lord. And all the people were drawn to the Lord because of it.
So what if we never “ worked” for Jesus again? What if we never go back over seas “to rescue the perishing“? Or even were able to get up out of bed again so we could follow Him?
What if all He really wants of us, even begs of us, is to rest in Him? Just to sit at His feet and listen. He has so many stories He longs to tell us about Himself. Can we just curl up in His comforting arms and rest? Can we believe, like really believe, that Jesus is caring for our friends in Africa? That it’s really He who teaches them about Himself? He saves them. He protects them.He cures them. He gives them food. He loves them.
I am really insignificant in all my trying and serving and saving.
Maybe His one and only desire for us here on earth is the same as it is in heaven: to enter into His rest with rejoicing and find that He is enough.
He is enough for me. He is enough for my husband. He is enough for my children. He is enough for my parents. He is enough for my friends.
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